markthomasinfo.com | Latest News

Doth I protest too much? Article in today's Guardian

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Article in The Guardian today:

http://tinyurl.com/yldrch9

Extra gig - 18th November - Old Town Hall, Hemel Hempstead

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Old Town Hall on 18th November - The Manifesto.

FREE gig at the Tricycle theatre - Saturday 3rd October

Fri, 2 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Free gig at 15:30 dicussing audience policies with members of the GLA. Contact Tricycle box office for tickets - 020 7328 1000

New tea towel available

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It's a beauty. Text on it reads "I bought this teatowel on expenses". Does the job, dries the dishes, makes a great pressie for your activist family and friends and anyone who just needs a really good teatowel that pokes fun at MPs. Check the front page of the site and the shop for details.

An open letter to Margaret Moran

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Urgent for the attention of Margaret Moran:

Dear Margaret Moran:

Resign now or your bay tree will pay the price of your greed.

You have insulted us with your theft of public funds and disgraced yourself by clinging to office. With no effective means of legal redress, with no political mechanism to remove you from office until the next election and with no prospect of eliciting a sense of dignity or shame in yourself (this would be like asking a leech to have personal pride) you leave us no option but direct action.

To this end we have kidnapped your potted bay tree from one of your homes. Although the bay tree is a legitimate political target for direct action it is being cared for and well treated. Indeed despite finding itself a hostage the bay tree is in considerably better health than when it remained in your possession. However, to quote a well-known doctor, 'The time has come, the time is now. Just go, go, go! ! I don't care how'.

Instead of clinging to office for the sake of your salary and pension, for the sake of democracy you must stand down. You have until 7.58pm on Sunday 2nd August 2009 to resign or your bay tree will pay the price.

You can contact either one of the mainstream news outlets in time for the appropriate news bulletins or use the e-mail facilities on www.markthomasinfo.com using the approved passwords '%%%%%%%%%%'.

This message is sent to you by the MPs Houses Open Day Society, which was set up in response to a policy selected by the audience at a Mark Thomas Manifesto show in Leicester. The policy is: "Any MP that has had excessive public money paid to them for 2nd homes allowances should have open days for the public. We paid for it we should be able to enjoy it!"

Sincerely, MPs Houses Open Day Society

Extra tour dates

Mon, 6 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Phoenix Exeter 7th September, Wedgewood Rooms Portsmouth 8th September, Cheltenham Pillar Rooms 9th September, Greenwich Theatre 10th September, Swindon Arts Centre 14th September, Swindon Arts Centre 15th September

Mapeley

Sun, 5 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The Crown Prosecution Service office in Reading is owned by Mapeley the famous offshore landlord. Mapeley notoriously owns many of the HMRC tax offices, so once again the tax payer supports the tax dodging offshore parasites by paying rent for buildings that should be ours. Many thanks for the folk who turned out to demonstrate demanding Jersey be invaded as the starting point for a War on Tax Havens! Unfortunately I got stuck in traffic but here are some pics of those that arrived, remained and demonstrated regardless. Thanks love Mark

Tonight on Radio 4

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I'm on Radio 4 tonight at 6:30, 2nd episode same time on Thursday, 2nd July

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00fm3lj

New tour date

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

October 8th at Azur Marina, Hastings for Hastings furniture service. Tickets available through their website here: http://www.hfs.org.uk/ Also starring Wil Hodgson.

New London tour date

Mon, 1 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

10th September at the Greenwich Comedy Festival.

DEMO today-Bristol

Fri, 22 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

DEMO Ahoy! While I am down in Bristol performing I thought it might be fun to do a little demo. So if you fancy coming along the demo is for the shutting down of tax havens and forcing corporations to pay their tax onshore. Where better to start campaigning than HMRC , the tax office in Bristol at Norfolk House. The government obsession with the free market means that buildings that should be public are now private., The tax office is owned by Sigma 2004 Ltd, so HMRC pay rent for their building. BUT Sigma 2004 Ltd were incorporated in the British Virgin Islands and Jersey - tax havens... so the tax office pay rent for a building we should own - TO TAX DODGERS!!!

There is only one answer to this absurdity and that is to invade Jersey! No more multi lateral agreements at the G20, no more polite resolutions, no more ignoring it and praying it will go away! Send in the troops its the only language these bankers and landlords understand!

DEMO FRIDAY outside Norfolk House - Temple St Bristol BS1 6HS at 4.30pm bring banners and fun.

Wil Hodgson in Reading tonight

Fri, 22 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Wil Hodgson is performing on Friday, 22nd May in Reading at South Street Arts Centre, 8.00pm. Wil is my favourite stand up of the moment, he came on the first part of the tour with me, doing support while I was on bambi legs... he is the most original and truthful young stand up. I love him and if you get a chance you should see him.

London tour dates

Thu, 21 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

London Tricycle season tour dates now up on the site - 21st September to 3rd October.

Demo today (Wednesday 20th May) Leicester

Wed, 20 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

HMRC demo today at Saxon House Causeway Lane, behind Debenhams in Leicester at 4.30pm - bring banners and fun for the Tax Office pays rent to tax dodgers demo. INVADE JERSEY! Bring the offshore tax havens to a close by all means necessary! Arm tax inspectors, take the tax havens!

We will be going round to Keith Vaz's constituency surgery afterwards to try and have a go on the cushions we paid for!

DEMO today (Monday 18th May) Leamington Spa HMRC

Mon, 18 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

DEMO at HMRC Leamington Spa HMRC

62 Brandon Parade
Holly Walk
Leamington Spa
CV32 4JE

Theme - Arm Tax Inspectors Invade Jersey!

No HMRC building rented from tax dodging bastards registered in Jersey!

Beat tax dodging landlords Mapeley ! Go on rent strike!

4.30- 5.15pm bring banners, fun and stuff

MPs Expenses - Mark takes legal action

Thu, 14 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Lawyers acting on behalf of Mark Thomas served Speaker Martin with legal papers demanding an independent audit and investigation into the scandal of MPs expenses. The audit should examine all claims going back to 1997, not just the last four years, any mispayments or misclaimed expenses should be repaid rather than rely upon voluntary repayment when MPs feel adequately embarrassed and if there is evidence of fraudulent claims then the police should be called in to investigate. MPs should be subject to the same standards and laws as the rest of us.

If Speaker Martin does not launch an independent investigation then Mark and the lawyers will seek a Judicial Review of his actions.

See front page of site for futher details.

Postcard to the palace

Thu, 7 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

To launch the Huddersfield Policy campaign, that Margaret Thatcher should pay for her own funeral, I have designed a postcard to protest the prospect of a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher. The person with most say on a state funeral is Elizabeth Windsor (sometimes known as the Queen), thus the cards should be sent to her, seeking to influence her decision making in advance of Margaret Thatcher's demise. You can download the card here, simply print, sign and post. There are two versions of the card, a one sided version and the postcard photo version.

If you decide to send a more personal letter to the Palace please let me know if you get a reply. Mark

New radio shows

Sat, 2 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The Mark Thomas Manifesto radio shows are being recorded for the BBC in June, apply for tickets here: tinyurl.com/dfdomx

London to Brighton Bike ride

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hi folks,

Once again I am wheezing my way down to the south coast in June for the London to Brighton bike ride, there is a special band of fat dads who puff and pant their way down and have kindly they reserved me a place. I hope you can sponsor me as this year as I am riding to raise money for the PSP Association. You can find out about them on the http://www.pspeur.org

PSP is Progressive Supranuclear Palsy and is a neurodegenerative disease which my dad has. Although the disease is not widely known the PSP Association say it is as "common and as devastating as, for example, Motor Neurone Disease."

So it would be great if you could head over to http://www.justgiving.com/markcthomas and bung them a couple of quid.

I aim to make it to Brighton without the deployment of defribulators or the air ambulance being called out. However, if I do not reach my sponsorship target I have pledged to mail out photos of me in lycra, both pre and post chaffing.

Thanks love Mark

New podcasts

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

2 new podcasts were put up recently, a couple more to follow.

Latitude

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I'll be appearing at the Latitude festival again this year. Details to follow.

The Fringe

Sun, 5 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I'll be at the Edinburgh Fringe playing The Stand - 5th to 18th August. Also at Glastonbury, details later.

Newsnight 01/04/2009

Sat, 4 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Mark was on Newsnight on Wednesday this week, you can catch it on youtube in 2 parts here and here

New Tour starts NOW!

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Fifty-four shows, fourteen weeks, one comic and a government to influence!

Comedian and activist Mark Thomas creates a manifesto - a policy paddle to help steer our way out of Shit Creek. It's a roving comedy think tank of a show where every audience gets to nominate and vote for their favourite policies.

Mark road tests them and then sets off to make them happen. It is somewhere between Jim'll Fix It for anarchists and White Collar Crimewatch, with a passing nod at Bill Drummond, the Fluxus art movement and Anneka Rice.

2 new podcasts

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

2 new podcasts are available in the audio/video section of the site and on iTunes.

Demo Tuesday - The Artful Dodger

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Daily Mail Demo- Tuesday the 24th 12-1pm, outside Northcliffe House, 2 Derry St, Near High St Ken tube station. The owner of the Daily Mail Viscount Rothermere is a non dom , so dodges tax in this country and it appears is domiciled in France for tax purposes. SO the owner of the Daily Mail is a tax dodging French man, the demo calls on the writers of the Mail to do their duty and stick it to VIscount Rothermere as sponging foreigner!

The Daily Mail is owned via a series of trusts , involving Bermuda another offshore tax haven... so Richard Littlejohn can get stuck into the paper too!

Download a banner to print out and take along here.

Just testing

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Testing the twitterfeed, sorry.

MOD building media event

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

MOD building video by Tony Pletts now up on youtube here:

tinyurl.com/dawp28

Demo next Tuesday

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Takes place on the 24th March 09 , Demo at the Daily Mail office Northcliffe House 2 Derry St, London Near High St Ken Tube. 12- 1pm - As Viscount Rothermere the owner of the Daily Mail etc is a non domicile it means he is considered by HMRC domiciled abroad for tax reasons, it appears he is domiciled in France ....so the Mail is owned by a tax dodging french man ! Heavens to betsy! The Daily Mail newspaper group is owned through tax havens including Bermuda.

The demo is to demand that Richard Littlejohn and other Daily Mail columnists do their duty and slay these tax dodging fiends in the columns of the Daily Mail.

Brings banners and pamphlets and stuff to enjoy and whatever

Another media event next Tuesday

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We'll be holding another media event next Tuesday, 24th March outside the Daily Mail offices in London. More details to follow...

How I got my genes deleted

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I've had my DNA struck from police records - now it's over to the rest of you 799,999 innocents. Full story in The Guardian:

tinyurl.com/cxwa8s

Channel 4 News

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

One of yesterday's "media events" made the Channel 4 news so it truly was a "media event"!

http://tinyurl.com/cate63

2 events tomorrow

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

1st: Offshore item of the week photo event outside the MOD building, Horseguards Avenue, noon-1pm - MOD building belongs offshore! Calling for troops to invade Jersey and reclaim the title deeds.

2nd: 6pm photo event outside New Scotland Yard investigating how much of a policeman you can photograph before it's illegal.

NB photo/media events don't require permission from the police under SOCPA. Go figure.

New podcasts

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Mark talks to Paul Mason From Newsnight, Nick Hildyard from The Corner House and Josh Ryan Collins from The New Economics Foundation.

Demo action

Sun, 8 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Details of Tomorrow's demo - Monday 9th March, 12 till 1 outside the Home Office, Horseferry Road. Home Secretary Jacqui Smith's primary residence turns out to be her sisters house and her department building is owned by an offshore landlord (HSBC Infrastructure) thus she pays rent to tax dodgers. Jacqui Smith doesn't understand rent and ownership so we demand civil servants sneak into her office, custard her and steal the rent book while she is temporarily blinded.

Bring banners and fun. Richard Brooks (Guardian and Private Eye) will be speaking as will Mark.

New podcasts

Thu, 5 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Even more podcasts are up on the site now and we've got a few more to do so keep your eyes and ears peeled for them, they seem to get better and better.

Find them here or on iTunes: www.markthomasinfo.com/section_audiovideo

More podcasts available

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

More podcasts from Mark's weekly discussion shows with financial experts are available in the audio/video section of the site, also available from iTunes.

www.markthomasinfo.com/section_audiovideo/

New tour badges available

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

New badges for the "It's The Stupid Economy" tour are now available for sale here: www.markthomasinfo.com/section_store/. We'll have a new tea-towel design coming soon as well.

BBC News on photography legislation

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Mark is interviewed at Monday's demo outside New Scotland Yard.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7893023.stm

Compare The Marquis

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Many might claim prostitution to be the oldest profession in the world, but peddling political influence must surely come a close second. And although I would not be the first to compare the recent "lobbying for laws" scandal in the House of Lords with sleezy pimps and working women, I set a challenge on a website (with the nice folk from b3ta.com).

"Design a calling card for our Lords," I said, "a little something to grace the phone boxes of our fair and hollow isle."

The b3ta folk rose to the challenge, and I have displayed my favourite 'Lord's cards" on the Cards section of the site.

Though it seemed a shame that the end results should not be properly displayed in their intended environment - thus a small team of folk attempted to redress this artistic imbalance by decorating the phone boxes of Westminster and Soho. Perhaps you might like to do the same. Photos of our decoration efforts can be found in the photos section of the site.

See it all at our new mini-site comparethemarquis.com.

GUARDIAN PODCAST - BLOODLUST FOR BANKERS

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

A short podcast published today on the Guardian website.

At the Treasury select committee I began to feel some pity – not for the people who got us into this mess, but for us.

Listen here: www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/audio/2009/feb/11/mark-thomas-treasury-select-committee

STOP AND SEARCH? CARRY THE CARD.

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The debate about the use of stop and search – be it protesters or young black and Asian men, be it in the case of stopping knife crime or deterring terrorism – is one that has (understandably, perhaps) been fixed on the police results rather than the times they get it wrong.

But it is in the cases where they get it wrong that attitudes towards police are sharpened and the rights we feel we have as citizens practically defined. So I offer this card for readers to download, print and carry. It warns police officers that if a stop and search is intrusive, unlawful or malicious, you will pursue the issue through the Independent Police Complaints Commission and, if necessary, to civil proceedings. You might want to offer this card to an officer before a search takes place. Enjoy.

Click here to download a pdf of the card. Then print, cut it out, fold it in half and carry it around with you.

Note from Mark about the new tour

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Oh yes my beloveds, the rear end of April sees the start of a new tour, 45 dates across the country, a quick flit to Glastonbury, then a short run at the Edinburgh festival. Titled "It's the stupid economy!" this is my attempt to name, shame and tame the guilty bankers, pick a way through the debris and probe our collective creativity. It is a roving comedy think tank of a show that aims to enlighten, endear and prise the hanging hedge fund managers fingers from the window ledge of the future. Dates on the site.

New Tour dates announced

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

New Tour dates for the "It's the Stupid Economy" show are now up on the site on the main page at www.markthomasinfo.com and on the full listings page here www.markthomasinfo.com/section_gigs/.

It's The Economy, Stupid - Show 2

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Mark's guests in the second show of the weekly season at the Etcetera Theatre featured interviews with Dr Paulo Dos Santos, economist at the School of Oriental and African Studies and John Hillary from War on Want.

It's The Economy, Stupid.

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Mark's first show in a weekly run at the Etcetera Theatre featured two intriguing interviews with Sargon Nissan from the New Economics Foundation (NEF) and Austin Mitchell, Labour MP for Grimsby.

Sargon is an interesting chap, he started his working life as a city trader and ended up specialising in community finance with the progressive think tank NEF. Which is not to say Austin Mitchell is not interesting, as the Guardian Diary (last item on the page) noted.

MP3s of the interviews can be found in the Audio/Video section of our site.

It's The Economy, Stupid.

Fri, 9 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Every Monday night from January to March 2009, comedian and activist Mark Thomas attempts to answer some of the more pressing questions about the state we are in. Is Britain the new Iceland? If we own a couple of banks can we lend ourselves money and use their phones to call Australia? And what the fuck is a “derivative” and is it possible to use the word without using the words “Keane” and “Travis”?

“Its The Economy Stupid” features satire and interviews with guests - thinkers, movers and shakers, academics, economists and even the odd banker. All line up to try and explain what happened and what we can do. From culling bankers to invading Jersey, its all up for grabs

Join Mark and guests at the Etcetera Theatre every Monday from the 12th of January until the 23rd of March. * Price £7.50 Box Office 0207 482 4857 office hours

* 16 and 23rd of February takes place at the Hen and Chickens instead (Box Office 0207 704 2001

Later in the year, starting in April, Mark will be embarking on a nationwide tour with the new show. Dates and venues are still being finalised but should include most areas of the country and will almost definitely include The Glastonbury Festival and the Edinburgh Fringe.

TALES FROM THE BOOK READINGS 6 - GUILDFORD

Mon, 3 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Cracking theatre called the Electric, lots of fun though I suspect they are as surprised as I am that the theatre is full. Where as Birmingham asked “ when are Coke coming to get you?” Guildford enquires as to “How much are Coke paying to kill you?” I am not sure if the questioner was considering putting a bid in for the contract.

TALES FROM THE BOOK READINGS 5 - BIRMINGHAM

Sun, 2 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The economic collapse has had a host of unaccepted consequences and one of them appeared at Smooth Radio station in Birmingham. The station mixes easy listening and transatlantic accents, and looks like the kind of place male DJ’s end up in after they have had the mid life crisis. I half expect the parking lot to be full of Harley Davidsons and Viagra dealers. There might as well be flashing sign over the entrance saying “Welcome to the future Mark…it’s nearer than you think.”

Inside it is cosy and familiar though and the counter at the reception desk offers a bowl of boiled sweets to anyone who happens to be passing. My task today is to pick six songs from the easy listening playlist for a feature called Six at Six. The station sends over the playlist and I am in deep shock, I never knew Simply Red had so many singles! Until this moment Simply Red had been an unseen and unknown threat to me, the musical equivalent of Chlamydia.

I am lead into a studio and put on a st of headphones waiting for the interviewer at the other end of the line the appear.
“Hi Mark, “ comes a classic radio voice sounding heavy with sex and Horrlicks…
“Let’s get going, Mark, it is a pre record and it’s going out later in the week.”
“OK”
“We’ll mention you new book and give you a chance to talk about it in between the tracks.”
“OK”
“And it’s the Coca Cola Company we are looking at … right then… I am looking forward to discussing Coca Cola and we should talk about globalisation generally and especially what has been happening with the banks.”
“OK”
“I must say it is a real pleasure to have you on the show.” He says this in his classic Smashy and Nicey voice, before uttering the wonderful phrase, “because I’m quite an anti globaliser myself.”

The British Left might be in terminal disarray but the vanguard is camped out in Smooth Radio, broadcasting subversion in between Dianna Ross and The Eagles.

By comparison Kerrang! radio is altogether a more sedate affair. Here the staff seem to be metal fans who read David Icke and look like extras from Wayne’s World. All of which is a good thing in many respects. I am meet by a really sweet chap who greets me by nodding and saying “Good times!” I feel like the token adult. Next time I do an interview there, I am going to make the effort to turn up in tweeds. The station seems to be on high alert tonight, as a psychic has predicted that aliens will make themselves known and the Kerrang! radio is ready and has geared up for all eventualities, eager I suspect to run a listener phone in should any lucky metal fans encounter an alien or even better a blow by blow account of abduction and probing. As they might say “Good times!’ indeed.

Birmingham book festival reading is great fun, full of energy and a real mix of folk. Being an inner city book festival it does not have the pretensions of an out of town affair like the Hay on Wye book festival, where you can’t move without bumping into a Guardian features dragging their young children, smothered in sun cream and stuffed with smoothies into sessions with Jacqueline Wilson.

Here the question and answer session is much more direct and robust “When are Coke going to get you?” shouts one of the questioners during our Q and A. “Tuesday” I reply and later tuning into Kerrang Radio to see if any psychic has phoned in with a prediction of my demise.

The day finishes at about 11.00pm, after three radio interviews, two book signings, one reading and a question and answer session with me eating a curry off the bonnet of the car while doing one final interview with a student newspaper between mouthfuls of spinach and chick peas. Good times!

TALES FROM THE BOOK READINGS 4 - LONDON 2

Sat, 1 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Bobby comes along to the reading at the Waterstones book shop in Piccadilly in his wheelchair, Bobby’s problem is that he can walk 10 yards but 100. So the wheelchair is the preferred mode of transport around the capital. Instead of sitting with the audience he decides to sit alongside me at the front of the room to the left, facing the crowd in his wheelchair, like he has a job doing security under an equal opportunities scheme.

It is an interesting night with lots of good questions and though the one that stands out is from a lad in the middle of the room.

“Are you not at risk?” he asks.
“From whom?”
“Coca Cola…”
“No” I quickly respond.
“You say you are not worried but you could be on a list, Coke could take you out.”
“Are you suggesting Coca Cola is going hire a hit man to kill me?”
“Well maybe not Coke but someone might want to the paramilitaries maybe. Are you not at risk here as much as you are in Colombia?”
“Well I was feeling just fine until a couple of minutes ago…”
And it dawns on me that David Icke Land is nearer than I had previously imagined.

Then Bobby decides at he will make a contribution and does this by standing up out of his wheelchair and walking a few steps. The audience do not quite gasp but are definitely held captive by the sight of Bobby now walking and with hindsight it probably wasn’t helpful that I spluttered, “Fucking hell Bobby do you think you’re in Little Britain?”

FAQs FROM THE BOOK READINGS

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Is there such a thing as an ethical transnational? All transnationals will take advantage of complex international tax differentials with a view to minimizing or reducing their tax burden. And until a company pays its fair share of tax it can never be ethical. You can have as many Corporate Social Responsibility programmes as you like, as many guidelines and codes of conduct about the ecosystems and global warming and all the rest, but until you fairly pay your tax you can never be ethical.

Why pick Coke? Coca-Cola is recognised as the world’s leading brand, it is everywhere from the Olympics to Hymilayas. Should I have investigated another brand? Perhaps, but if you are going to go for a drinks company go for the biggest. there seems little point doing a book about Panda Cola.

And considering they spent $2.5 billion on advertising a year to get hold of our custom, well some of those dollars were spent on me. They came after me, so they started it.

Did you ever drink Coke? Yes lots of it. I loved it and it was the drink I would choose above and beyond all others.

Do you still drink it? No, I just don’t want these fuckers getting my money.

Is Pepsi better? Well Pepsi often mirror Coke in bad practices, for example both companies were fined for painting their rand logos on the foothills of the Himalayas – a conservation area. But at the moment Pepsi simply do not have the amount of human rights abuses lining up against them. Having said that one of the consequences of unions, students, peasants and activists campaigning against the company has seen the introduction of twice yearly talks between The Coca Cola Company and the International Union of Foodworkers. Pepsi have got no such agreement. So nothing is fixed in stone and Pepsi in this instance appear to be worse than Coke.

Did you find the secret formula? No the nearest I came was this: the secret ingredient is called 7x. And as most of the worlds concentrates and syrups for Coke’s brands are made in Ireland (roughly 70% of Coke concentrates are made there) there has to be a 7x factory reasonably close by. And there is. “Where is it ?” You may well ask. I will tell you but prepare yourself for this shocking information. Coke’s secret ingredient 7X is made in…Sidcup.

TALES FROM THE BOOK READINGS 3 - LONDON

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The night off and meeting up with Ed and Bobby, to see Chuck D of Public Enemy, the most influential and political of rap artists. Chuck D is in conversation at the South Bank, so we have decided to meet up for a meal then go on to the talk. It is quite enjoyable getting to a certain age and thinking, “Oh we should get some tea, before we fight the power.”

Bobby was my old tour manager and had a stroke three years ago, these days his bleached blond haircut whizzes around the South bank in an electronic wheelchair, which has amazing attachment, including front headlamps, rear lights and an electronic horn to warn people of his arrival. Though it makes the sound of a bicycle bell. After grub Bobby decides to self medicate outside the show before going in. Unfortunately this leaves him a tad stoned and he has trouble getting his wheel chair on to the ramp . He is a terrible parker, the wheel chair sits awkwardly and the protective arms of the ramp will not go down. He drives off and then back on. Then tries again while the staff press buttons, call for help and delay the start of the event. The nice folk at the South Bank decide that we should try and use a roll out steel ramp. Bob lines up like Evel Knievel and takes a run up, hitting the ramp with such speed that rather than mounting it, his wheelchair starts to push the ramp into the auditorium, this is now a rapidly moving sheet of steel that is heading towards the gathering audience. An usher jumps on the end of it before it cuts someone’s feet off at the ankles and Bob finally rises onto the ramp and into the gig.

Interviewing Chuck D is Nihal from the BBC Asian Network- though Nihal is no stranger to rapping himself. He used to be in Collapsed Lung, or at least for the best two singles “Thundersley Invacar” and “Chainsaw Wedgie.”

Chuck D is charismatic and loquacious telling stories of rap, hip hop and black politics.

Nihal “Tell us about this one time Flava Flav missed a show…”

Chuck D “One time !?! The One show he missed!?? He missed about twenty five shows. I was so mad at him , I’d look out from behind the curtain and there’s thousands of fans and Flava is at home. I was so mad at him once I said to the audience, “Flava has missed the show, but here’s his phone number call him. And then read out his number.”
Flava later reported that the telephone pole outside his house nearly melted with incoming.

Chuck D did two hours and was great. When the show finished Bobby tried to leave with the crowd but still be a tad medicated so manages to turn on his warning side lights and sets the bicycle bell off. We decide to wait for the crowd to clear before attempting to go ourselves.

Nihal kindly says hellow hie we wait and asks me to come and meet Chuck D. I am 45, married with kids and a reasonable CV, so on paper I shouldn’t react like a 14 year old…

Chuck D and I meet very briefly, we fist bump and I giggle like a nervous fan.
“Oh you two should meet.” says someone in the room.
“Yeah man you have got to collaborate.” Says someone else.
“I am amazed you two have not meet before.” Says someone else.
And out of nowhere e mails are being swapped and people are taking numbers down and Chuck D and I say we will be in contact.

In the cold light of day I am well aware that the chance of Chuck D ever wanting to work with me are about nil and this is just a fanciful reverie.

At home I wait up for my teenage son who is being dropped off from a party.
“How was Chuck D dad?” he says, when he finally gets in.
“It was fantastic. I met Chuck D”
“Oh man that’s cool.”
“Yeah, and we chatted…”
“What about?” He says excitedly.
“Well Chuck D and I might be collaborating on a project, we have exchanged e mails and are going to get in touch. So your Dad could be working with THE man of hip hop, Chuck D….”*
“What ever you do dad, don’t rhyme promise me dad, don’t rap or sing. Please I beg you. Don’t rap…Oh my god you’ll sound like Homer Simpson….” And he walks upstairs to bed with his head in his hands.

I like to think that maybe Chuck D has children and at some point in the not too distant future they will be saying, “Whatever you do don’t try comedy…please dad….”

TALES FROM THE BOOK READINGS 2 - BRISTOL

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Bristol the following day starts with a phone call from BBC Bristol two hours before I am due to be interviewed live about the book.
“Oh hi is that Mark?” says a woman whose name I can no longer remember. “Look,” she says “I know you are down to do the show today but we are a bit worried about libel…”

She says this as if I might not have considered the legal consequences, as if I might have written a book about The Coca Cola Company and not got any legal advice. I bite back the urge to ask, “Do you know how thorough the legal work has been? When I finished the book I had to have the lawyers surgically extracted! I was infested with them and I’m still doing regular combing to make sure they have not left any eggs.

“It is just that this is an afternoon drive time shift and the presenter is a little bit uncertain of how to deal with this situation…”

I zone out slightly while she carries on in this vein and wonder why on earth the IRA used to phone in bomb warnings to local radio stations?

So with the afternoon off I visit the Arnolfini to see the Mircea Cantor exhibition. One of the rooms in his installation has a series of six foot high DNA strands created from the individual lipstick kisses of 12 women. It is supposed to shine a light on individuality and chance but I would question any work of art that required a man directing 12 women to kiss patterns on a white wall. Another part of the installation has a line of barbed wire running at chest height around the white gallery room, but the wire is made from black finger prints. After making 12 women kiss the wall I guess the artist needed something to do with his hands.

The book reading at Bristol Waterstones was fun though I did make the mistake of starting the event by declaring, “I have been working on coke for about four years now…”

Afterwards when signing books one chap says , “I am a big fan and I really like your work. I wanted to talk to you about how you engage people with ideas and give you this present.” He passes over a small bag of dry curried grasshoppers.

“….er thank you very much that is very kind of you.” I say accepting the bag of insects, while mentally adding this incident to the list of Ant and Dec’s crimes against culture.

Readings and signings can be odd affairs, one of the first I did for the last book saw me asking people what they would like me to write in their books, some one calmly lent over the open page and said , “Could you just put, ‘Congratulations lucky e bay winner. Thanks for that Mark”

And yes. Of course I wrote it.

TALES FROM THE BOOK READINGS 1 - CARDIFF

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Arrive in Cardiff for a book reading. Easily one of my favourite cities. I love the fact that the best pie shop around is an independent café in the square directly above the public toilets. It is the most potent reminder of the principle of cause and effect…

It is dark and the yellow lights shine a chill sheen across the shopping precinct as I rush to find Waterstones. I arrive late and end up being shut out of my own book reading. Banging on the closed doors staff inside shake their heads. One looks and mouths, “We’re shut.”

“Let me in” I mouth back, quietly muttering obscenities through clenched teeth.

“Go around the side “ he mouths, throwing his arms about to mime directions.

Nipping to the side to building I stride into the now open door, step into the warmth and hold out my hand.

“Hi. Thanks.” I say breathily.

“Nice to meet you Mark, I’m Chris.” He says pleasantly.

“Right then, where do we go?” I ask taking off my coat. I might be late but I am ready to go straight on.

“For what?” He calmly asks.

“For the book reading…” I say, patronisingly raising my eyebrows with incredulity.

“This is Waterstones,” Chris explains politely, “we put a bid in for you to do a reading here but your publisher turned us down. You’re reading at Borders tonight. It’s out this door, right, then right again and just down the road.”

“Thank you I appreciate your help.” I say, leave my dignity on the floor and head out into the precinct.

Five minutes later and slightly panicked I ask the event organiser in Borders if I might be able to grab a cup of tea to take on with me.

“I’ll get you one,” says a nice lad with black and red dyed hair.

And so it was that I walked out clutching a steaming cardboard cup of Starbucks tea to begin my reading on branding and globalisation…oh the ironies one has to endure as a celebrity anti capitalist…

LAUNCH DAY - BELCHING OUT THE DEVIL

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The official publication day is oddly undramatic. After setting off to the States, Colombia, Mexico, Ireland, India and Turkey at the start of the year, after traveling and interviewing peasants, trade unionists, shop keepers, Coke workers and politicians, after months in my room organising research, translation and transcribing, after chasing Coca-Cola trying to get them to answer questions and meetings with book designers, photographers, lawyers, editors and publicity not to mention writing the bloody thing, well after all of that the book came out with relative ease, no fanfare, no fuss, no muffled sound of a flintlock pistol going off as a Coke exec does the right thing.

The only moments of minor excitement happened two weeks before when Coke wrote to the publishers saying, “As the book is about the Coca-Cola Company, and we cooperated with Mark Thomas when he was writing this book, we would like to request an advance copy so we can review internally before the release date.”

Obviously Coke and I have different understandings of the word “cooperated”. They refused to let me into one of their plants saying I was biased , initially refused to respond to my questions and then finally issued a response which failed to answer many questions directly. Both Ebury Press and I are disinclined give them the book and say so. The next communication came from Coke’s lawyers. Their letter, demanding an advance copy, took a more threatening tone, full of unspecific bluster and threat. “If you do not provide such a copy…then as we are sure you are well aware neither you, nor Mr Thomas will be entitled to reply upon the Reynold’s privilege defence to any claim for defamation which may be made. Similarly, our client will rely on your failure to do so in aggravation of any damages it may claim.”

So did I send them an advance copy? Not exactly. I sent them a box of poetry fridge magnets (you know the stuff-little magnetised words) with a note saying , “I can’t send you a copy of the book but all the words I use in the first chapter are in this box. Arrange them to find out what I have said about you.”

Just for good measure I organised a guerilla book reading outside the company head office in Hammersmith. I message is put on the web the night before and I turn up in balaclava, shades and beret, looking like I have just come from an IRA funeral. The crowd vote on which chapter I read from, while company workers loiter outside to smoke and get a sneak preview of the book.

Record an interview with “You and Yours” on Radio 4 which is broadcast the following day. “You could have written about some of the good things Coca Cola do why didn’t you?” Says an interviewer called Winifred . “ Well the Coke spends about $2.5 billion a year on advertising and PR I think they have quite enough good press.”

I don’t know if it was intentional or not but the edited version of my interview ended the question “What do you want to see come of the book?”

“I want to see Coke that the specific issues raised seriously and address them rather than churning out more PR flannel and guff.”

At this point the interviewer announced we approached Coca Cola and asked if they would appear on the programme but declined they did offer this statement though…and with that she ploughed into their PR guff.

A few friends text and phone with backhanded compliments , “As an old punk rocker,” said one “I get quite concerned by the amount of Radio 4 I am listening, still nice to hear you on it.”