The only way to make the House of Lords work for us is to buy one of the bastards! Now most of us can't afford to buy our own Lord outright, but if enough of us clubbed together we could buy one on a time share. How would you like to influence legislation and get your amendments down for the first 2 weeks of June? Once you've invested in a time-share lord you might be able to swap with other similar schemes and get a US Congressman for a week in August.
So let's all club together and see who we can buy. Remember, we should be able to knock the price down. If the housing market is massively over-valued due then it stands to reason that in the days of the credit crunch we should be able to get a cut-price peer.
At this stage all you need to do is pledge some money using the form below. Say how much you are prepared to give and what policies you want introduced or what bills you want amending.
As soon as we can get a peer and a price we'll come round for the money.
So far you've pledged over £1,600. Here are some of the pledges with your suggested policies:
| Name | Amount | Policy |
|---|---|---|
| Simon | £10.00 | more rights for podgy blokes over 40 |
| Jeremy | £5.00 | Amendment to Congestion Charging to be applied nation-wide. All car journeys under 1 mile £5 charge - make lazy bastards walk |
| Greg | £5.00 | Inner city incidents of gun-crime have increased in the past 12 years. Surely this is evidence that handgun legislation passed in 1996 by the current administration was ill-conceived and requires further examination. Historically systems of control are better than systems of prohibition. |
| Tal | £20.00 | Tax dodgers should be banned from using all public services, eg nhs, education, courts, polic, roads etc. This would also mean that the tax system would have to be more transaparent. |
| Paul | £10.00 | Nation-wide banning of tights as a hosiery item and getting British women back into stockings to lift the national mood. |
| John | £5.00 | 1) No VAT on sunblock for gingas. 2) Anyone comedian/comediene found making cheap gags about ginger people forced to die their hair orange for a month. 3) Thatcher and Blair to be buried and given a state funeral...tomorrow. 4) Anyone found listening to or in possession of material by Scouting for Girls, James Blunt or Celine Dion to be jailed and put on some kind of register. |
| Kyra | £5.00 | Designate a tower block in Peckham as the sole location allowed for all MPs' second homes. If they're claiming a second home in London, it has to be in that tower block & they have to spend at least 4 nights a week there. Then see how many of the bastards want to claim expenses for a 2nd home in London. |
| J | £4.23 | Create an examinations system for politicians and complie league tables so we can see how ignorant they are |
| Anon | £5.00 | Make lunch breaks at schools an hour minimum and Gary Barlow the next James Bond. Oh yes. |
| Milkybars | £100.00 | Nationalise the railways. As each franchise comes up for renewal, place them back in public ownership and save a fortune. The railways cost 4 times as much now to operate than when they where last publicly owned as British Railways. |
| Jason | £10.00 | abolish snoring control devices |
| Phil | £50.00 | All bankers to do 1 weeks community service for every £100k bonus given in the last 10 years |
| Anna | £5.00 | stop abusive testing for six year olds |
| Anon | £10.00 | Sex education compulsory, and encompassing more than just heterosexual 'baby making' sex. |
| Jo | £5.00 | Intensive research programme to isolate and farm the ginger gene, followed by a breeding a programme to increase numbers of endangered collar and cuff gingers across the UK. Then the world. |
| Karen | £10.00 | All councils to have a minimum requirement for social housing stock, with no right to buy. Also a duty to ensure accurate figures are kept on homelessness and people in inadequate housing. |
| Sarah | £10.00 | Scrap the effing ID card - Make local authorities operate an ethical investment policy. |
| Anon | £25.00 | Knock down the crap buildings in front of St.Pauls that block the view from Tate Modern. Put in a park instead. Ban skunk, don't tolerate it. Presently it's so easy for children to get it, and so dangerous The appropriate wheels movement. Ban 4by4s in the suburbs and city.for their future minds and bodies. |
| Frank | £1.00 | Traffic wardens must wear cast iron boots. |
| Den | £1.00 | Free burlesque classes on the NHS for women presenting with low self esteem or just for anyone who wants cheering up....lets have the chance to feel sexy just because we want to...not because i bloke tells us to....on a personal not i'd like the opportunity to prance around in my underwear without being arrested or told i'm too old....downwith agism too!!!...Ok all thats probably worth more than a pound but i'm skint!! |
| Garry | £5.00 | A £500 on the spot fine for anyone caught eating a sausage roll out of a paper bag. |
| Julian | £10.00 | If a bank becomes insolvent your money is covered by the Financial Services Compensation Scheme (FSCS) which guarantees 100% of the first £35,000 of savings, but you lose anything above this.Can we not have a simlar scheme where if a bank with whom you have a mortgage becomes insolvent, everything apart from the first £35,000 of your mortgage is wiped out? |
| Jon | £5.00 | all lords to be forced to be watched in a big brother style, so the public can vote out the sleaziest |
| Jon | £10.00 | Make public school children spend a term (at least) at an inner city comprehensive in a deprived area. |
| Lea | £10.00 | 1. The abolition of the monarchy 2. The legalisation & regulation of all drugs 3. The complete separation of church & state |
| Ben | £0.00 | Make it an offence (punishable by public egging) for politicians to use statistics, unless they are completly made up on the spot. |
| James | £0.12 | The Put Jeremy Kyle In A Shopping Trolley and Push Him Over the Cliffs of Dover Act - The Police to be forced to include "I'm so sorry about this, but..." at the start of any arrest. - My biro-based pea shooter to qualify for the Export Credit Guarantee Scheme. - And 'Wanker' to be tattooed on Jack Straw's bemused face. |
| Natasha | £50.00 | Accountability and openess in the public sector (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha). No, seriously. |
| Barbara | £5.00 | Phase out all private education institutions in the UK by not allowing those educated in private schools to enter official examinations! Everyone in the UK will have to be educated in state schools. |
| Clare | £10.00 | Amend the VAT laws so all tampons, those damn liners 'with wings' and all other necessary 'feminie hygiene' products are categorised once and for all as a necessity, not a 'luxury'! |
| Julie | £10.00 | BME young people aged between 16 and, let's say..... 100 years of age, have a legal right to stop and search police officers. Make full time hours a 4-day week (with no reduction in pay). Increase the minimum wage to the average wage in the country. Make benefits and state pensions living wages. Any adult under a size 8 (uk) is not allowed on TV. If councils say something they have to stick to it (as in Nottingham City Council saying no frontline jobs would be made redundant, which they are). Reverse the anti-trade union legislation Thatcher put in place. Make it easier to pass a motorbike test than a car test. Compel power providers to pass on savings they're making to the customers. Axe the Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards coming in in April '09 as part of the Mental Capacity Act & make them do it properly as part of the Mental Health Act, as per recommendations of Richard Jones (author of the Mental Health Act Manual and the Mental Capacity Act Manual). |
| Barry | £15.00 | Any corporation's chief executive that requires a government handout (basically any financial organisation at this time!) must appear on a kind of "Dragon's Den" show on the telly where members of the public can vote whether or not they can keep their job/bonus/pension. |
| Kalliopi | £5.00 | The abolition of titles such as Lord, Lady, Sir Duke etc. |
| Karen | £10.00 | For only a tenner, I'll go with someone else's policy. I especially like the tax dodgers one (how long before the Murdochs and Barclays have their own Back-to-the-Future-style hoverboards to circumvent the roads ban?) |
| Dave | £10.00 | That serving and ex-serving Prime Ministers, Ministers and Members of Parliament be banned, under the Official Secrets Act, from selling their memoirs or publishing their private or official diaries until 50 years have elapsed from the date they left office. That All Members of Both Houses provide written evidence that they do, in fact, reside in the same world as the rest of us! |
| Matt | £20.00 | How about we re-introduce the right to be charged within a resonable time and have the opportunity for defence in open court for those suspected of crimes? |
| Tom | £10.00 | All peers to wear Tom Baker-style Doctor Who scarves and forced to hop backwards from the HoL to China. The first to keel over wins 60% of the pot, the second 30% and the third 10%. Inheritance tax at 100%, natch! Non-participants to be painted blue and urged strongly to advocate a liberal policy as regards cheese farming on the Moon. And then sent there. Members successful in one-legged entry to the Middle Kingdom to be awarded the Archer prize for being a cunt and all those who fall by the wayside to be the first to undergo a wide-ranging and comprehensive 'point and laugh' policy to be instigated forthwith. |
| Simon | £5.00 | free drugs and financial assistance for aging punk rockers. |
| Sean | £20.00 | legislation to set the ravens in the tower free |
| Tref | £10.00 | Tax dodgers should be allowed to use public services (NHS, ambulance, fire, police...), but be billed the full cost afterwards, or take out insurance with those services against the need of using them, which will take money from where it's most affordable and put it to where it's most needed. All MPs, Lords, and others should be subject to exactly the same standards and laws, and consequences, as the rest of us, and not allowed to return to office if they breach them. No position which has final influence over policy, such as 'Lord' Mandy being Minister for Business, should be held by an unelected and unaccountable individual. Finally, there should be a system by which a constituency can recall it's MP at any time, thus holding them accountable to the people they are elected to represent. |
| Madeleine | £5.00 | to have the right to decide where your taxes end up (ie I would chose education, health end environment intead of arms, ministers' expensive cars etc etc) |
| Connie | £20.00 | Lobby for more funding to Rape Crisis Centres, which are seriously dwindling under the last couple of regimes. |
| Anne-Marie | £2.50 | A new outfit to be payed for by Gordy Brown. Must be a tastefull and compliment my figure. Shoes MUST be included. |
| Donnacha | £10.00 | Wildcat striking made mandatory and strike ballots banned. |
| Richard | £5.00 | All MP's to wear colour coded hankees (in top pocket or on their head depending on the class they are pretending to represent) signifying the expenses fiddle they are doing eg: Jacquie Smith and Tony McNulty would have to wear the sludge coloured hanky of "Second Homes fiddle" etc |
| Andrew | £50.00 | Rather than giving the Banks £1.4 Trillionish of our (the tax-payers) money (so far), scrap all income tax for the period of the current depression, the money would of course end up in the banks anyway (that's where my salary goes anyway!) and we wouldn't be at the mercy of banks for lending purposes as the money would already be in our accounts, government borrowing would be no higher than it is now and far from a recession on the High St we'd all be living the high life!!! Where are the losers in this plan????? |
| Graham | £1.00 | Change the fat cat 2nd home allowance for MPs I watched Eric Pickels on question time as he tried to justify a 37 mile journey it stinks as for Tony McNullty this guys a slimy bastard who as work and pensons secetary needs shooting what a twat when people are struggling on job seekers after been made redundant he then says on radio 5 live he doesnt think he could cope with living on it! Another wanker who claimed £60k living expenses when living at his parents! |
| Ben | £40.00 | A second chamber with teeth! A formalised system of (e)referenda so that we can actually vote on the things that we're promised a vote on. And we need to talk gun crime... sounds a little like someone here is suggesting re-legalising hand guns... surely not?! |
| Matthew | £0.01 | To force feed members of the House of Lords Green custard till they explode |
| Karen | £20.00 | All freight to go by rail. Free up the motorways from inconsiderate lorry drivers. |
| Marc | £20.00 | More rights for podgy blokes over 30 please |
| Marit | £20.00 | Biotechnology companies required by law to find and destroy all genes manipulated or damaged as a result of their testing and compensate everyone affected unless scientists working purely in the interests of farmers and consumers prove beyond all possible doubt that they are safe |
| Max | £100.00 | all bank charges lowered to their real costs. No bank charges for those on income support, bankrupt, on IVAs,credit agreements or anyone who can show financial hardship.apologies and refunds from all banks to all customers who have been lied to ripped of and overcharged by banks. and when the economy improves some compensation for all those who suffered due to the banks total disregard for its customers |
| Jez | £1.37 | I would like all mature students to be given a grant in direct proportion to the amount of tax they've paid over the years prior to studying. One percent per year would seem fair. For example, I paid in for 25 years prior to my study, so I reckon 25% of that should pay quite nicely for my studies and living expenses. When qualified I could then pay it back in instalments through the extra tax I would be paying in my better job (assuming there are jobs). Let's face it they've done sod all with the money I've paid in so far and it's not like I'm going to have any kind of a pension when I get older, so I'll probably have to work anyway so they'll be quids in for tax. Therefore a little up-front money would be much appreciated. If you can swing this one, if I ever become an MP or a Lord I'll throw a few favours your way, in line with Commons guidelines. |
| Anne-Marie | £20.00 | Ensure Thatcher pays for her own funeral and let it be sooner rather than later. |
| Oliver | £10.00 | I would like to see implemented a policy of a tax-free year for all people aged 40.One year of your working life completely free of income tax,so your still young enough to work like a trojan to get the maximum benefit but old enough to wisely save the the money as a retirement nest-egg.I'm 32 at the moment so we've got eight years to manage it ;-). |
| Martin | £1.00 | School times should be amended to fit into the real world, ie 9-5 |
| Simon | £20.00 | 1) Free Shaun the Sheep DVDs for the under 5's. 2)Motorists to be given a motoring lane measuring no more than 6 foot, coloured in red on the inside of every road. This should be littered with shattered bottles and broken up occasionally by parked bicycles and other immoveable objects. 3) MPs to claim back their wages once evidence has been provided that they have positively contributed to society in some way. |
| Merlin | £5.00 | Only renewable energy sources by 2012 |
| Jeff | £10.00 | Fair tax Bill: You earn it in this country, you pay tax in this country. Stop that Bastard Murdoch paying less UK tax than I do. |
| Hedley | £5.00 | All gym / health club car parks to be turned into cycle parks.Whats the point of driving to a gym then riding a bike thats fastend to the floor for half an hour then driving home! |
| David | £50.00 | Mean test Child Support - If people who were well off didnt get it people who need it most would get more.....simples! |
| Colin | £5.00 | That we find lord Lucan, as he would have a great deal of celebrity status. people should be made to give hitch hikers a lift if on the same route. |
| Ray | £10.00 | criminal offence to hit a cyclist with a car, mandatory jail - afford cyclists better protection |
| Steven | £50.00 | Random Drug testing for all MPS |
| Alf | £0.00 | free sex for 17 year olds. |
| Chris | £50.00 | End positive discrimination. Don't give me a job because I'm crap, not because I'm male, straight, white etc... |
| Andie | £5.00 | That all councils should be forced to take houses that are empty for more than 6 months and use them as affordable rented accommodation rather than let them stand empty. |
| Jo | £10.00 | Replace the Household Cavalry with guys banging coconuts. |
| Richard | £10.00 | the one about the podgy blokes will suit me |
| Peter | £50.00 | All Politicians caught lying will be required to bungee jump off Big Ben at a time that will be put on the Internet |
| Andie | £5.00 | That all councils should be forced to take houses that are empty for more than 6 months and use them as affordable rented acomodation rather than let them stand empty. |
| Ian | £20.00 | lords and members of the house must attend classes to teach them morals and how to say the simple word "sorry" - and mean it. |
Many might claim prostitution to be the oldest profession in the world, but peddling political influence must surely come a close second. And although I would not be the first to compare the recent "lobbying for laws" scandal in the House of Lords with sleazy pimps and working women, I set a challenge on a website (with the nice folk from b3ta.com).
"Design a calling card for our Lords," I said, "a little something to grace the phone boxes of our fair and hollow isle."
The b3ta folk rose to the challenge, and I have displayed my favourite 'Lord's cards" on the Cards section of the site. Here's one:
Though it seemed a shame that the end results should not be properly displayed in their intended environment - thus a small team of folk attempted to redress this artistic imbalance by decorating the phone boxes of Westminster and Soho. Perhaps you might like to do the same. Photos of our decoration efforts can be found in the photos section of the site.
Download and display. Enjoy. Mark Thomas X
You might even wish to design your own, please keep in touch if you do.